I’ve been in the PUA community now for a few months and I definitely feel like I’ve benefited from it. You can see my earlier posts about how I feel bolder and more willing to just start conversation with strangers and laugh with strangers, which I think can be generally enriching.
Admittedly, I have not seen any other members of the community at work outside of the bar/club environment, but there’s a clear distinction between the guys I genuinely enjoy hanging out with and sarging with and those that I don’t. And for lack of a better term, I’m going to call the thing that separates those people non-pickup self esteem.
There are a number of guys who will only talk pickup, who go into bars and clubs like sharks circling in the water, and who are generally not fun to hang out with and may even be detrimental from a sarging standpoint because this is apparent to women. These guys are basically only having a good time if their opening sets and their only happy if their hooking and at least getting #closes (which is a joke because #closes are generally a joke).
The guys I really enjoy hanging out with are well rounded guys who have the ability to go out and have a good time with sarging as a secondary consideration. Sure we push each other into opening sets. Having another pair of eyes on me definitely makes me more willing to put myself out there. I perform best under pressure, but I’m gonna have a blast if I’m out with a couple of my buddies and I don’t talk to a girl the whole night.
I admit, I have women on the brain 24/7. I lose the ability to pay attention in class if a girl is dressed in a particularly noticeable way that day. In big classes, its a lost cause because there are generally 10-15 girls worth keeping an eye on. I am a danger to myself and others when I drive if an attractive woman walks by because I cannot keep my eyes on the road. My friends warn their female friends about me, and still I manage to kiss close with a number of them. And when I’m out in bars, I love talking to new women, so long as that doesn’t mean alienating myself from my friends, because my friends, not the women, are genuinely the reason I enjoy going out.
My mindset, and the mindset of the quality guys in the community, namely Flip, is that going out to bars and clubs and parties is fun. If I go to bed alone, I still want to be able to look back and say I had a blast, so that’s how I live. Ultimately, this is great for state control because I don’t project any neediness or seem sleazy or pushy. I just try to have a good time for myself, and then other people want to be around me because I’m fun to be near.
I think the best thing we can all do to help ourselves is to realize that fun is not synonymous with sex and self worth is not synonymous with a high number of lays. Sex is fun, and a high number of lays may gain you some social status among guys and increase your air of pre-selectedness and challenge to women, but all of that will happen if you’re just a genuinely fun person to be around too.
