FR – Gaming Yourself Out of Success

First off, I must apologize for the rather intense hiatus I have taken, and will continue to a large extent, in my blogging.  I am currently waking up every weekday at 5:30 and finishing my days around 9PM on the good days.  I am very much living weekend to weekend and hopefully the weekends will still bring ample stories and insights to share.

On to the field report.  So I went out recently for my first foray into a gay bar.  I went with a gay friend and a female friend, and I figured I could spot the women in the bar who were not blatantly gay and then as ascertain quickly which camp they fell into.  I also thought that being a straight guy comfortable enough with himself and his sexuality to head out to a gay bar and just have a good time would work well as social proof.

This particular day I was pretty drunk by the time our story begins, so I unfortunately don’t actually remember how I opened this particular woman.  She was much older than me, but very attractive and I couldn’t be sure but seemed likely to be alone.  Early on, I started to get the vibe, which I get a lot, that women pick up quickly my high comfort level with myself and with sex and immediately equate this to what is often in their mind the “player” attitude.  I have successfully used many different tools to break this down but in this particular case I kinda crashed and burned and I think I know why.  This woman was older like I said, she already had kids, she had been jerked around by guys in the past, and she was not looking for sex.  She was looking for a protector, a provider, and knight in shining armor.  I didn’t intuit this early enough and I was using more of a “socially programmed woman” mindset.  I was trying to break down her inhibitions about sex and one night stands, and in doing so I simply corroborated her opinion that men just wanted sex without commitment.

This won’t be a long message but the point here is, know your target.  Some women have their fake slut defenses up around their friends and just don’t want to give in too easily.  Ultimately, they are just the socially programmed woman and they want the sex and you have to convince them that they should be independent and go after what they want.  Some women, however, legitimately fear sex and fear men who would use them for sex.  If you’re just looking for sex, you’re probably gonna have to work harder for these women or you should avoid them altogether.  If you’re looking for more than sex, make sure you avoid the subject of sex with these women early on and that in your actions (note: not your words, it means more to show it) you emphasize that you enjoy them as a person.

In the pick-up world we laugh at books who advise men to be the protector and knight in shining armor because we think we have the magic bullets of psychology, body language, kinesthetics, and the “venusian arts” on our side.  I have talked to a couple of women about my interest in this subject and so many of them have brushed it off as only working on a few women who probably would have had sex with you anyway.  I disagree with this.  But I do think it won’t work on all women.  Be careful about deciding which women will see a gamer as preselected and desirable and which will see a gamer as a manipulator and a hurtful influence.